Every single parent knows that their child are copy-cats. In fact, they duplicate so frequently, and so well, that they are effectively “copying machines”. They copy what you say, how you voice it, and at what time you say it. They mimic the manner by which you move, how you conduct yourself, how you respond to events, how you behave toward other people, and almost everything else you do.

But we parents also appreciate that now and then, we want to teach them one thing, and they learn something else. By way of an example, you’re attempting to teach your children about gardening and how great it is to nurture vegetables, but they learn to run away when they set eyes on a caterpillar or a spider, creating a brand new enduring dread (or plain “extreme repulsion”).

The problem is obviously that children learn at an exceptional rate. They simply don’t predictably learn that which you need them to learn. And it’s even worse because on occasion you don’t know (or don’t even think about) what you would like your child to learn.

But choosing what you want your child to understand is not foremost when you’re sitting together with your child trying to teach them something. Well, it is vital, but it’s evidently at the front of your attention. The crucial times are when you are not attempting to openly teach your child something, but they are going to learn something nevertheless. It’s in these situations that you truly need to be receptive to what your child is learning.

For instance, if you and your spouse are in conflict about something, and one of you swears and stalks off rather than managing the arguement reasonably and equitably, what will your child learn? Well, the chief thing they’ll learn is a brand new word, one that you don’t want them shouting in public! The next thing they’re prone to learn is: “when in an argument, storm off rather than dealing with it.” Or something like that, anyway.

So being aware that your youngster is going to learn a little something in EACH AND EVERY situation they are in is vital. Deciding beforehand what you’d like them to discover is something different. And that’s the key reason why the number one empowering question for parents is: what do I want my child to learn from this?

If you can maintain a question like this in your head as much as possible, and specifically where you are hugely demonstrative or reacting from habit, you’ll start to have an incredible knack to have some bearing on your child even more than you do before now. You’ll be able to show them more of how you want them to conduct themselves, in a way that’s more like you at your best, as opposed to you at your most horrible. You’ll be able to congruently say “do what I do AND say”, without distressing so much about your language and behaviour being aligned. You’ll be able to tell your child as they get older why you do the things you do, realising that they’ll already have had years of being around you as you act in keeping with your ethics and standards.

But… you will only be a success in doing this if you have a vital mindset that parents have to possess, something that makes this empowering question helpful. By itself, the question is helpful, but it’s not the only thing you need to have.

Read part 2 of this article to find out what that attitude is…

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